When you begin the journey into non-monogamy, you may be curious how you find the relationships you are looking for. There are so many variations of relationship style, sexual preference, age range, and boundaries before we even get to that magical unquantifiable ingredient – often labelled as Chemistry.
Now the way that meeting prospective partners often works is that you discover the chemistry and then later find out if the person is a match in other ways. So what if you tried this in reverse?
Polyamory Toronto held our first ever Polyam Speed Dating (PSD) event at the party room of the condo building of one of our members. It was a Potluck BYOB event which also led to a wonderful evening of excess as well as success.
the Setting for the Polyam Speed Dating event
We were using the polyspeeddating.com web software. This has been running successfully in the USA and the UK, and helped us organize a social event where people met a number of potential dating partners. The event took into account gender preferences, individual/group dating preference, age range preferences, level of kink preferences, and welcomed all (a)sexual orientations and genders.
So how did it go?
Well this is sample of what our members had to say:
This event felt like a unique success. Most people I spoke to expressed a genuine sense of satisfaction and relief in how easy the process was and how supportive the room was. Apprehensions and awkwardness were lifted mostly because we had a common thematic language to assist in breaking the ice which turned the idea of speed “dating” into something much more positive, effective and focused.
Thanks must be given to the organizers for putting together an event with staggering logistics. By all appearances it came together flawlessly.
But how did it really go – did it really work? We won’t really know. The results are emailed to the participants the next day. Then they choose to act on the contact information. But I’m one of the PT Organizers and I was assisting at the event and what I saw was very interesting and here are my personal thoughts about it:
When you take chemistry out of the dating selection, things happen that wouldn’t normally happen. We are all to a greater or lesser extent visually judgemental daters. We seek what our eyes delight upon. PSD does not consider height weight hair colour or any other visual cues, age notwithstanding. Participants may have got a little outside their normal screening procedure.
After the dating there was a mingle. People kept on dating. The chemistry effect had shown up.
Any polyam social event is essentially an excuse to mix and mingle and make new friends. Instead of being an ordeal it became a party. Everyone bonded from the experience. There was an expressed desire to hold this again every six months and I perceive this is the valedictory message for our first PSD event.